Guests - Guests - Dr. Joshua McConkey, Betsy Smith, Victoria Lem
The Critical Role of Fathers in Rebuilding America's Backbone
A Conversation with Dr. Josh McConkey: Military Leader, Physician, and Advocate for Fatherhood
In today's rapidly changing digital landscape, where children are increasingly raised through social media influences, the role of fathers has never been more crucial. Dr. Josh McConkey, Air Force Colonel, emergency physician, author of "Be the Weight Behind the Spear," and candidate for Lieutenant Governor of North Carolina, brings a unique perspective on the importance of fatherhood in rebuilding America's backbone.
"That father figure is important more now than ever in shaping the entire family and providing discipline, accountability, and all those basic skills," explains Dr. McConkey, who recently completed his command of 100 men and women whom he describes as "the finest warfighting medics in the United States Air Force."
Dr. McConkey points to concerning statistics about the absence of fathers in many households. "There's certainly population studies across the country that show increased rates of crime and incarceration in households without a father figure," he notes. While emphasizing that father figures can come from various sources—coaches, teachers, or other family members—he stresses that having a male role model is critical for teaching young boys how to treat women and showing young women how they should be treated.
Teaching Resilience in a Post-COVID World
The COVID pandemic created significant challenges for children's development and mental health. As an emergency physician, Dr. McConkey has witnessed firsthand the consequences of isolating children from schools, churches, and communities.
"I see now the repercussions of shutting our children out of churches, their schools, and their communities. There's such a mental health crisis. I see so much anxiety, depression, and suicide amongst this population," he shares.
Dr. McConkey describes how parenting styles have evolved from "helicopter parents" hovering over their children to today's "lawn mower parents" who remove all obstacles from their children's paths. "The children are not allowed to make mistakes. They aren't allowed to make decisions. And so when they encounter obstacles, like what I see as a military commander, they just fold."
His solution is clear: "We have to do a better job of letting our kids get out there and make some mistakes and learn because that's how people learn."
Managing Social Media's Influence on Children
When asked about mitigating the harmful effects of social media on children, Dr. McConkey offers three practical tips for parents:
Age restrictions: "Below age 16, it's very, very detrimental. You've seen Australia even get involved and ban social media for children under 16."
Time restrictions: "We have very strict time restrictions. 4:30 is the cutoff time, and you can just see them salivate as it's getting to that 4:30 time frame where they get a couple of hours of access."
Adult supervision: "We call it the drive-by audit. You slide in, take a peek over the shoulder, ask them questions. What are they looking at? Even if you don't have the greatest amount of interest, get engaged, ask questions. Let them know that you're watching."
Dr. McConkey emphasizes that these three strategies can significantly help with the mental health issues associated with social media use.
Military Experience and Fatherhood
Having served in Iraq in 2007, Dr. McConkey brings a profound perspective on appreciating family life after witnessing tragedy. "When I was in Iraq, I carried young children off the battlefield. I carried some in body bags. I saw a lot of death and destruction," he recalls. "When I get home, I'm so thankful to be home, so thankful to be an American, and blessed with a wife and three kids."
This experience has shaped his approach to fatherhood with his 14-year-old son and 12-year-old twins (a boy and a girl). "I cherish that role. I try to spend time individually with each of them, taking them out to lunch and letting them choose whether they want to get ice cream, trying to do some one-on-one time with each of them."
Be the Weight Behind the Spear
Dr. McConkey's book, "Be the Weight Behind the Spear," which was recently nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, calls on men to re-embrace their role as present, purposeful fathers and leaders. The concept comes from his 23 years of military service, particularly his work with special operations forces.
"I've been very fortunate to work with some tip-of-the-spear individuals with special operations. I was medical director for PJs, combat search and rescue. Those men are just absolute heroes," he explains. "What I realized with each one of them is they had someone in their life that gave them the amazing confidence to do what they do—teachers, coaches, volunteers, and mentors."
He continues, "Most people I know don't jump out of helicopters and take out bin Laden. But what they do at home is being the weight behind that tip of the spear. That's the best resource we have—teachers, coaches, families, and mentors."
Dr. McConkey emphasizes that America is special because "we strive and should be striving for equality of opportunity, not equality of outcomes." He notes that while not everyone has the same start in life or resources, hard work and motivation can overcome obstacles.
Fatherhood and National Resilience
According to Dr. McConkey, there's a direct link between fatherhood and national resilience. By instilling values of accountability, taking ownership, and allowing children to make "safe mistakes," fathers build resilience in the next generation that translates to national strength.
He believes that understanding American history is crucial for children's development and future vision. "You can't possibly know where you're going or why unless you know where you've been," he asserts. "Being a part of something bigger than yourself, something with that type of history and lineage, makes you a better person, a better leader, and helps develop all those resiliency skills and accountability."
Betsy Smith on Law Enforcement and Current Events
The conversation shifts to national security and law enforcement with Betsy Smith, spokesperson for the National Police Association, who discusses the ongoing protests across major U.S. cities.
"We have protesters, rioters frankly, gathering in not just L.A., but Philadelphia, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, Dallas, Washington, Chicago," Brantner-Smith notes. She points out that many police officers have been injured during what some characterize as "peaceful protests."
Smith argues these protests are not organic but organized and funded. "This goes back to the early 2000s—the anarchists from primarily the Seattle and Portland area, Reclaim the Streets. Then we had Occupy Wall Street, then Black Lives Matter, then the pro-Palestinian resistance. And now we have the anti-ICE protest. It's all the same people."
She advises that the most effective way to address these situations is through consistent law enforcement and prosecution. Drawing from her experience as a crowd control expert, she explains, "What we did, and this was something that was very innovative, we actually had our county prosecutors with us in the command post at these riots. They would complete the complaints right there, get them in front of a judge, and take them to the county jail."
The result was effective: "When you get actually prosecuted, you have to come to court. And then you have to come to court again. And then you have to come to court again. And these little paid protesters don't like to have to keep coming back to Chicago when they're from Seattle or Portland or New York. So they stop taking their little paid protester job in our jurisdiction."
Local Community Engagement
Victoria Lem, legislative district chair of LD20, shares information about an upcoming event featuring congressional candidates for Arizona's Congressional District 7, described as one of the poorest districts in the country spanning six counties.
"We have an amazing event coming up to introduce our congressional candidates directly to our community and take questions directly from the community, which is very different than taking questions from a moderator," Lem explains.
She emphasizes the importance of strong representation for the district, particularly regarding border security and community safety. "We need representation out in Washington. We need some of those funds being redirected to our areas here in CD7. We need some strong representation, somebody who is going to go out there and fight for us like our lives depend on it—because they do."
Lem notes that this special election represents an opportunity for change in a district that has been under the same representation for many years. "We have an entire generation that only knows what it's like being under democratic rule in this congressional district. They don't know what the difference could be."
Reflecting on Fatherhood and National Identity
As Father's Day approaches, along with Flag Day and the 250th birthday of the U.S. Army, the discussion returns to the importance of family values and national pride. These celebrations provide an opportunity to reflect on the foundational principles that have shaped America and the critical role fathers play in passing these values to the next generation.
In a time of national division and global uncertainty, the message resonates clearly: strong fathers build resilient children, and resilient children build a resilient nation. As Dr. McConkey puts it, "I would encourage the next generation of Americans to take pride in what you do as an American."